2021 has been a tough year for me. Throughout this year, I have had to start over 4 different times. Starting over can be a tough thing to do, but it seems to be a theme in my life. I’ve started over so many times in my life, I’ve lost count. I’d like to share with you some tips on how to manage major changes in your life.
Before I do that, though, I need to give you some context of what I’ve gone through this year:
In 2020, I was terminated from my position at my full-time employer due to Covid. Luckily, I had already started my virtual assistant business so the transition from full-time employment to full-time entrepreneur was a no-brainer. But without the consistent, stable income from the job, I made the bad decision to sell my beloved house (rent is never lower than a mortgage!). The house sold in January 2021.
With the sale of the house, I had to sort through everything I had worked so hard to get over the past 10 years, sell what I could, and pack up the rest. My fiancé at the time and I decided that it was a good time to move in together. With the inheritance he received from the passing of his father, he decided to purchase a multi-unit house so he could try being a landlord again. We went house shopping near Rochester, NY, which was closer to his son and near my brother, but not too far away from my kids.
I stayed in an AirBnB for about 2 weeks between the sale of my house and the purchase of his house, then I moved in. The house he and I chose together is a beautiful old Dutch-style house that has upper and lower apartments. It was built in 1912 and still has the original hardwood plank flooring and doors. I fell in love with all the original wood cabinetry throughout the house, too. Living in lower apartment was great, though it did take some time for me to get used to the very low kitchen counters, which are also original to the house.
I lived in the house for about 3 months alone, with my fiancé going back and forth between his old apartment and full-time job to the new house on his days off. I enjoyed being alone when he wasn’t there, after living my entire adult life with other people (mostly my kids, which are now on their own). But when he was at the new house, there was so much tension. He made it abundantly clear that the house was his, he made the decisions, and I had to follow his rules. After about 3 months of this and feeling like I had to walk on eggshells whenever he was there, I made the decision to end it. We had a terrible fight and I left with my dog and cat to move into my son’s apartment for the next 6 weeks.
I can’t say that decision was a good one, either. It probably would have been better to stay away for a few days, then go back and have a heart to heart talk, but it is what it is, and we move on.
Living with my son and his family while trying to run my business was stressful, so I worked hard to find a new place to live, though there were very few livable apartments available. I settled on an upstairs apartment in a small house in Geneva, NY, one mile away from Seneca Lake. I love visiting the Finger Lakes Welcome Center often to watch the water while I work and be closer to nature.
Though the apartment is in good shape, and there’s enough space for me, I am not happy there. Going up and down the stairs constantly hurts my knees sometimes, and it just doesn’t feel like home. I decided early on that I would give myself the year until the end of the lease to figure out what I want to do and where I want to live. The benefit of having an online business is that it gives me great freedom to live anywhere in the world, but that’s also a downfall. I have no idea where I want to live!
So, to recap, it’s been a year full of bad decision and moving 4 times in a short period of time, from the old house into an AirBnb, then into the new house, then in with my son, then into my current apartment. During all of this change, I was running my business, which has been challenging. But I’ve made it through, and I know you can make it through whatever changes are happening in your life, too.
How did I get through all of this change without losing my mind? What did I do to manage the upheaval and disruption in my life? Some days I don’t think I have managed it. Some days the stress of all the change really bothers me. But some days, I am proud of what I’ve done, how I’ve handled everything and still helped my clients, and look forward to the future.
Here are just a few tips to help you handle upheaval and major changes in your life:
- Focus on the positive. What about the situation is positive? Is there an opportunity for you to grow and make positive changes in your life? In my case, the sale of my house offered me an opportunity to push my adult sons out on their own, showing themselves that they are good enough to be on their own and make their own decisions. Moving into my fiancé’s house gave me an opportunity to have a dedicated office in which to run my business. Moving into my current apartment has proven to myself that I can live on my own and make my own decisions without needing to consult with others.
- Focus on the future. Think about what you truly want your life to be like in 3-5 years, or even next year! Where do you want to be in your life? Do you want to live near relatives or in a new area where no one knows who you are? Once you imagine what you want your life to be like in the future, what do you need to do to take a small step toward that future? Focus on that goal.
- Journaling and meditating. Studies have shown that journaling and meditating focuses the mind and helps relieve stress in the body. Getting thoughts out of your head and on paper provides relief and diminishes the amount of negative talk that goes on in the mind. Meditating and focusing on the breath ensures you are mindful in the moment, helping your body relax, and clearing the mind of negativity.
- Maintain a routine. Morning routines are very important to help start every day on a positive note. My morning routine includes making coffee, journaling, looking over my calendar for the day, and reading my horoscope for entertainment. Some days, I am able to read a book or watch a video training as well, then I get dressed for work. Knowing exactly what I do every morning helps me wake up slowly without negative consequences and I’m in a better mood.
- Daily gratitude. Along with journaling every day, I express gratitude for three things I am grateful for in my life. These things can be as simple is being grateful I actually woke up that day (there are many people in the world that didn’t) to being thankful for my children or having the ability to go on vacation. Expressing gratitude brings more positivity into your mind and helps you relax, reduce stress, and puts you in a better mood.
- Talk to a friend. Just like journaling, talking to a friend is really helpful when dealing with the stress of massive change. Having someone you trust and know won’t criticize you and your decisions but supports you and helps you make better decisions is imperative to managing change. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have someone I trust to talk to!
These are only a few tips to help you manage the stress of change in your life. I hope they help you handle disruption and stress in your life and work like they’ve helped me. Please let me know in the comments.
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